The City Of Shattered Glass
by moriarty's-tardis
Summary: Alec finds out about Max's death in the middle of the battle field and his whole world is broken. Lightwood sibling feels. Malec later.
1. broken

Anguish

Suffering.

Misery in its purest form enveloped Alec in a constricting cocoon. It squeezed him, choked him, pushed him to his breaking point.

And he broke.

Like a million pieces of delicate China bashed against solid pavement.

Like a bullet hitting concrete and splintering into a thousand slivers of metal.

Like a lightbulb bursting, exploding in sparks and razor-edged shards of glass.

Depression engulfed him like a tidal wave; pulling him deeper and deeper into an ocean of darkness, until the light above was just a speck in the distance.

His breath fled his body. He tried to breathe in, but the air tasted of sulfur and ash. He could smell smoke, it's thick fumes wafting from a blazing fire somewhere nearby.

There he was, standing in the middle of the battle field, staring into the dark, terrified eyes of his sister. The words of blasphemy falling from her lips set the speed of the world to slow motion. The battle cries, screams and explosions sounded so distant. The only words that registered at full volume were,

_Max is dead_

Isabelle's broken voice portrayed her deepest emotions. The inner turmoil, the heartbreak; It was too much for Alec to bear. The world was unfocused, like he was wearing someone else's glasses. The earth swayed dangerously to the left, as Alec became unsteady on his feet.

Isabelle was the thing that finally dropped the blade of the guillotine. The way she was looking at him, her older brother, for guidance. Like she could make it through if Alec would lead her through it. In that moment, they were young again. Isabelle was the toddler that looked up at Alec with bright eyes, expecting him to defeat the monsters in her closet. She needed hope, she needed strength from her big brother.

But in that moment, he couldn't do it.

The world was unraveling around him. He, himself, was being unwound.

He did something he promised he wouldn't do- He let his tears fall; and Isabelle saw them.

Isabelle let loose a sob and hunched over, clutching her stomach, as if she had to hold herself together or she would explode.

Alec felt dizzy, the world was swaying and he couldn't steady himself. The longbow fell from his hands and clattered against the ground. He felt a warm, strong hand grasp his forearm and he made to pull away but had no strength. He allowed the person to pull him away from his spot as he watched a medic rush over to Isabelle.

White noise was all he heard, darkness was all he saw and numbness was all he felt; except for the pressure of a steady hand on his arm, keeping him grounded. The pressure was a point of gravity, a point of reality. The sounds of battle flooded into his head, the crimson tints of blood and fire filled themselves in like a color-by-numbers coloring book, leaving the rest in black and white.

He looked up at the tall person holding him and met a familiar face. A pang of guilt struck his chest; remorseful that his mind couldn't put a name to the face above him. He found himself murmuring, "He was so young. He was only nine." The man above him looked at him with green eyes filled with sorrow. "I know, Alec. I'm so sorry, but we have to get you out of here." The man's voice matched the sorrow in his eyes, yet he was firm, not wanting to waste time. Alec walked numbly where the person was taking him.

The rest was a blur. The memory of that day faded as the words left his lips,

_"__He was my brother."_


	2. Understood

Alec no longer called out Magnus's name in his sleep, the only name on his tongue was Max. Magnus wasn't exactly jealous, just uneasy. Alec's thoughts seemed to only revolve around Max these days. Magnus couldn't blame him for that, obviously, Max was his only brother. His little brother that he was always told to look out for. The amount of guilt must be phenomenal, considering Alec couldn't get out of bed.

Alec had tried to stay in the institute, but seeing Izzy's face was like a stab to the heart. Hearing his parent's cries late at night made it impossible to sleep. Jace was always out with Clary. He gave an excuse before he left that he couldn't handle all that grief in one building. Alec barely heard him over the sound of his raging thoughts.

Alec started staying with Magnus. Magnus didn't mind taking care of him. He knew the pain of loosing a loved one. Sometimes you just need someone to take care of you. Sometimes being around family is too painful. Magnus understood this and, quite literally, welcomed Alec with open arms.


	3. Unleashed

Magnus remembered grabbing his buzzing phone at an ungodly hour of the night. "Hello?" he had answered, irritated at the lateness of the hour. He heard a sniffle from the other end.

"Magnus, I need you to come get me."

Magnus perked up and sat upright in bed. That was the first time Alec had spoken to him since the battle.

"Alec? Are you alright?"

"I need you to come get me." He said again, like a voice on a recording. "I can't handle being around my family right now. I can't look Izzy in the eye and-" His voice stopped abruptly. "I need you" His voice was barely above a whisper but it was enough to jolt Magnus into motion.

"I'll be there in ten minutes. I love-" Alec hung up before he could finish.

Magnus had grabbed a jacket, forgetting he was wearing bright blue pajamas, and hailed a cab. When he arrived to pick up Alec, he could hear shouting from inside. He walked in, The gates knew him well enough now, and saw Alec arguing with his parents.

"Go back to sleep mom!" Alec yelled, his blue eyes were lit with fury. "Or maybe go back to your room and cry! God knows _that_ is going to bring Max back to life!" His mother looked outraged at this verbal assault. "_Alexander!_"

Alec shook his head angrily and was about to retort when he saw Magnus standing in the doorway. Whether or not the sight of Magnus gave him the strength to leave, he will never know; but all the same, the ferocity in Alec's gaze lessened. He turned towards his parents.

"Magnus is here, I have to go."

His mother stepped toward him and he stepped back.

"You called him? Directly defying out orders?" Robert roared, his eyes stuck to Magnus in an icy glare.

"Alec, please don't leave." Said his mother. "I've already lost one son, I can't lose another. We are Lightwoods and we need to stay together! Running off with some warlock is not going to bring your brother back." Her voice was desperate.

Magnus opened his mouth to cut in, but Alec spoke up first. "This isn't losing me, _Maryse_, this is me coping with something that you two can't handle. And he isn't _some warlock_, he is my boyfriend." Magnus was staring at Alec, his breath caught in his throat. "You know it, so stop pretending you don't," Alec continued. "You can't keep ignoring us, as if it will all just go away. You need to accept that I'm not going to wake up one day as straight as Jace."

Alec's parents were still, the room was so silent that Magnus could hear his own heart beat.

"I can't stay here anymore. I can't see you all so broken while I'm trying to fix myself. I'm going with Magnus, my _boyfriend_, until I'm ready to come back." Before his parents could say anything else Alec spun away from them, brushing past Magnus. Magnus was temporarily frozen in place, he saw Maryse let loose a cry and Robert held her.

He then realized that Alec may actually drive off without him if he didn't catch up, and walked back to the cab.

On the ride back, Alec barely said a word. His expression was hard as they exited the cab. Magnus payed the cabbie three times what the ride was worth and followed Alec into the apartment. Alec went directly into Magnus's bathroom and slammed the door. Magnus sighed and walked into the kitchen to make himself some tea. He was too restless to go back to sleep.

The speech Alec made filled him with both joy and fear. Alec standing up for their relationship was fantastic, but the amount of grief that must have been eating at him to get him to that point scared Magnus. Alec was always so reserved and had his filter set to maximum whenever he was around his parents. He must have been really fed up with everything for him to lash out like that.

Magnus heard a thud come from the bathroom. "Alec?" His voice rang out through the quiet flat, disturbing the silence. No reply. He got up and walked toward the bathroom. He saw a shadow under the door that showed Alec was sitting against it. He heard a sniffle and the sound of someone choking back tears. Someone who was told to never show weakness and to always have control over his emotions. Someone who mustn't let his cries be heard for fear of shame.

Magnus knocked softly on the door. "Alec, let me in." His voice was controlled; cautious yet firm. A tone he usually used with his cat or a small child. It seemed to work in this case because he heard Alec get up and unlock the door. Alec opened the door and, before Magnus could do anything, grabbed Magnus in a hard embrace. Magnus would have staggered back if he wasn't the taller one of the two. He enveloped Alec in his arms and murmured soothing words as Alec cried. All the grief he had bottled up, the pain he was hiding from Izzy and his parents, was finally being released in a flood of sobs. They eventually sank to the floor, Alec gathered in Magnus's arms like a frightened child, Magnus comforting him as his own tears pricked the back of his eyes.

Magnus had had many loved ones in his life. Eventually he saw every one of them hit their breaking point. This was Alec's point. This was his darkest hour. A time where he was at his weakest and finally needed someone to take care of him, after all those years of being self reliant. This was a time that Magnus would look back at with a shudder, but for the moment, he would hold Alec in his arms making empty promises of how things would get better. This was Alec's lowest time and Magnus would love him even more because of it.


	4. Healed

Magnus rolled over to look at the sleeping shadowhunter. It had been days since his breakdown and Alec's cheeks were still stained with fresh tears. Magnus brushed them away with his thumb, his heart aching to see Alec so distraught. Alec still occasionally cried out in his sleep and Magnus would comfort him until the sun peaked through the window. He hadn't done it in days which was a good sign.

He got up to get dressed, even though he wasn't going out that day. He had to stay with Alec, who refused to leave the apartment. He slipped out of his pajamas and tugged on a pair of black sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He put on a grey t-shirt and a red shrug. He mussed up his hair in front of his mirror, not bothering with hair products.

He jumped when a voice surprised him. "You aren't very sparkly today." Magnus whipped around to face Alec who was sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes. Magnus gave a failed attempt at a smile. "Not really in the mood for sparkles." Alec didn't acknowledge his response except for a slight nod while yawning. "Coffee?" Magnus suggested. Alec nodded again. Magnus went into the kitchen to make some.

It was a strenuous system; Magnus making coffee, Alec not getting out of bed. Magnus suggesting that he do some training to cheer up, Alec arguing that he doesn't have a partner. So on and so forth. It was mentally exhausting for Magnus but every day Alec seemed the tiniest bit more lively.

The next morning, Magnus woke to arms wrapped around his midsection, Alec's head resting against his chest. Magnus noticed he was sleeping. He smiled to himself and brushed his fingers through Alec's ebony hair. He did this for a while, too pleased to fall back asleep, until Alec stirred.

"Magnus?" Alec murmured.

Magnus could have cried out of happiness. Finally Max was not the first name on Alec's lips. It was music to his ears.

"Yes, love?" He responded.

"Stay with me?" Alec mumbled, holding on tighter.

"Of course, darling. Of course."

And suddenly, all of Magnus's work was worth it.


End file.
